Does this sound like you and your partner? You’re two consenting adults in a monogamous relationship who use condoms for safety and as a method of birth control. Recently, you’ve been considering taking condoms out of the equation but are nervous about speaking with your partner about it. This can undoubtedly be intimidating, but if you’re in a healthy relationship, open and honest conversations like this are a part of growing as a couple. It may help to know you’re far from the first to talk to your partner about this.
While they entered mainstream use in the late 1800s, the earliest known condom dates back to the 3,000 B.C. era. During the Bronze Age, King Minos of Crete is said to have taken the bladder of a goat as a protective measure after his sexual partners died after being with him. In Ancient Rome, a similar technique was used involving the intestine or bladder of sheep and goat.
A variation of the condom we know today appeared in 1,000 C.E. Egypt, one of the first groups to use a sheath during sex. The civilization used a linen sheath to prevent the spread of tropical diseases. It also delineated class, with Egyptian men wearing ones of different colors to distinguish their status in the community.
Animal organs and linen sheaths continued to be used until the 19th century when American inventor Charles Goodyear vulcanized rubber. While animal-made condoms were considered more comfortable, the low-cost and large scale at which rubber condoms could be produced made them incredibly popular. Soon other variations of condoms became outdated. Interestingly, at the time, rubber condoms were made to size.
The final transformation of condoms came with the invention of latex in the 1920s. This new material gave them the strength and stretch we know—and enjoy—today. After World War II, contraception became more commonplace, increasing tremendously during the AIDS epidemic. Today, an average of 450 million condoms are sold each year in the United States.
How to ask, “Should we still use a condom?”
If you no longer want to contribute to that number, then it’s time to talk to your partner. As is the case in any healthy relationship, don’t present your opinion presented as a decree or statement of fact. Instead, sit down with your partner and present how you’re feeling in an open and conversational manner. Begin by clearly explaining why you want to stop using a condom and the steps you will take to keep you both safe without one.
This conversation will vary a bit, depending on your “why.” While there are plenty of reasons you may want to stop using condoms, let’s start with the number one reason you may want to get rid of them: having a child. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or married, you may find yourself eager to start a family with your partner. If this is the case, this talk is much bigger than just about if you’re going to stop using condoms. Take that into consideration as you engage with your partner.
If you’re looking to prevent pregnancy still, think about different options for doing so before voicing anything. Are you expecting your partner to go on birth control or undergo a procedure? Do you plan on doing either yourself? Seriously think about how this will impact them and if what you are asking of your partner is fair.
Once you’ve considered all of this, discuss it with your partner. Ask for their opinion on condoms and actively listen to any thoughts or concerns they voice. Be understanding if your partner wants time to think about it before jumping into bed without one.
Steps to take before going without a condom
Even when you’re using condoms, it’s always good to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases before having sex with a new partner. Though, in this case, you have already been sexually active with this person, getting tested is still a good idea for a plethora of reasons.
Are you going to stop using condoms because you’re moving from an open relationship to exclusive? Take into account that, if you were using condoms with all sexual partners, diseases could have spread. Male condoms are 98 percent effective in preventing HIV and 66 to 75 percent effective against other Sexually Transmitted Infections. The latter remains the same for female condoms, though they are only 94 percent effective in preventing HIV. Diseases such as herpes can spread even when using a condom if sores are not in the covered area.
Say you’ve been with the same sexual partner exclusively for some time before deciding to go without a condom, you both should still consider getting tested. Sexually transmitted infections such as HPV—the most common STI at 79 million Americans—can remain dormant for quite some time after infection. So, before you ditch the condom, get tested.
If your results come back positive for any condition, make sure to be open and honest with your partner once again. While it may delay your plans for a bit, this communication will ensure you both stay safe, healthy, and happy long-term. Then, when the time comes, you can say goodbye to the condom without any doubts.